On The Mend

He reached up

With two fingers to gently scratch his nose.

He rubbed his eyes softly.

He realizes there is an opening on the bottom of the bed so he scoots himself down and throws his legs over the side in an attempt to get up and out the bed.

Jason is moving. A lot more than he had a few weeks back when he was basically sedated down to a warm body in a bed. He is moving around in calculated ways. Showing problem solving in ways you and I take for granted. In a previous post I told you about how I look upon the doctors and therapist and hold back my eyerolls on how happily they praise the way he blinks. But now after educating myself a little I understand. Jason, behind all the meds we are peeling back one by one is coming back as Jason. They recognize the signs of "bizarro-Jason" brain damage and brain injury would produce and their excited talk and bright eyes are because they don't see that. Jason is doing what a normal person coming off of meds or coming out of illness would do, and THAT is what makes them so optimistic. I have my nightmares and my imagination to fuel what my expectations of what Jason will be underneath all the meds will be. But these are professionals. They know exactly what to look for and they don't see bad stuff. They don't see a degenerated individual. They see something better. They see My Life. They see him coming back as MY Jason.

Slow Down...

Yesy helped me start the coffee; in the coffee maker I moved in here the day I thought I would dorm here for 2 weeks over the holidays. Bustelo coffee wafts passed his room air circulating vent. I 

Hope it does something for him. Awakening some memory, evoking some cognition that will bring him

Back sooner than later. It might have but we won't know for sure just yet. 

Yesy and I talked and watched. trying to not agitate him, as he seemed to become more and more restless. Sipping Bustelo like old Spanish ladies back in the day eating cheese and crackers. But we are a little more Uppity. Not using Cheez whiz like our fore-mothers but carving from a block of Brie with Pita Crackers.

Peaceful always comes to mind when you see this place. Tranquility and Zen usher you into the perfect place for rehabilitation.

But then maybe I rushed it.

For the first time since getting here Jason needed a PRN. This is basically a dose of sedating medicine that is given "as needed". I can't help but feel Responsible. I was there with Sammi and Yesy and I put on the TV for him and played that crap Drake music for him and talked maybe too loudly and I interrupted his ZEN. 

That could be the reason but unfortunately will never know. The problem with this condition is that it is very temperamental. One day it might not like the color of my shirt and the next day it might not like the tone of my voice. so we have to tread softly around everything that could be a trigger and try to see if anything is constant. While doing this you have to try not to get your feelings hurt. Some days are definitely better than others. 

Jason is starting to fall into steady sleep patterns. He sleeps for a couple of hours consecutively, which excites and terrifies the shit out of me and the doctors. If you hit your head you should be woken up every few hours to make sure you are coherent. How can we effectively check incoherent Jason?

So we watch him close his eyes and pray that he is only resting and keep an eagle eye on his vitals. 

54 anxiety lbs dropped and counting.