Relapse

In the middle of recovery when things were finally looking better, the Hulk kept showing up. Not calm Brooding Hulk. The kind of Hulk that would pick up Loki and swing him around real Quick. The doctor's always cry disease, but in my heart I didn't want to believe it. I gave in and did everything they said and still he is doing bad?!?! I gave him the harshest chemo for this shit-and STILL the disease makes gains on him??? 

I stayed int the hospital with him to get a lumbar puncture, IVIG and once given truth to the whispers of relapse: Retuxamab.

Jason's B cells are up. He has 12. For a total of 1% B cells. He got retuxamab.

It's like...

I wish...

Perhaps the words are caught in between my fingers and my throat...

When the doctor first said it. I needed a moment to let it register. Mechanically I consented to do whatever needed to be done to counter a relapse but emotionally I am just caught. Deer in headlights. Hypnotized by bad news on top

Of bad news.  At least if he tagged 100% before this happened I would have a little more sunshine reserved for this rainy day. But he didn't get up to it yet. We didn't burn the last bout of the disease entirely out of him Before this happened.

How much longer?