In Other News...

Jason is practicing how to write again. Progress is still coming! He made me a valentine and every now and then says words.

He still has moments of not being altogether their. I think I mentioned the swing he took at his mama. Funny I needed dark lipstick to cover the mark it left and it's become the talk of everywhere. I was stopped by strangers, nurses, Aids and random people in stores to ask where I got the color from. Velvet Lippie should really hit me off with cash for how much I have been promoting their product.

If folks only knew it's the only color deep enough to cover a black and blue.

I did a trial run: I allowed him his first visitors. 2 of his childhood friends. I told you I sipped the Kool-Aid. I have seen Jason near death so I thought the "improving Jason" was good enough to be seen.

I may have been wrong.

It's hard seeing young men try to be brave. You can still see the little boys in them. These little boys I knew as children now talking to me with James Earl Jones voices and big muscular man bodies saw their friend and I could tell it broke their hearts. When you hear or read about it and then see it; it is quite a different animal altogether. Their eyes were glassy their noses red, and I realized as I hugged them and reassured them that this was temporary and Jason was going to be ok that for the first time in a long time my eyes and nose weren't.

I think that strength kind of grows back. Because I feel like I have a little now that this disease has gotten me angry. After feeling helpless and needy to this disease, now after so many battles with it over Jason I have the strength to tell it to fuck off.

Things won't be the same. Well, I am getting back my Jason- THAT will be the same. But the scars on his body may never go away, like the scars I have in my heart. And in my head. ANMDARE has gained a lifelong at he enemy...

And I hold grudges.