And The Beat Goes On

It's hard to live like this. Life goes on and you have no choice but to go on with it. Jason is still sick. Thankfully I was blessed with a job that gave me the time I needed to at least find out what it is he has and set him up in a decent place. But so much still has to come at me so my kids, family and lifestyle can stay a float. I have to function even if I want to just stare at my son for hours on end. I have to work and clean my house and wash clothes and do everyday things because you don't just get a maid and hit lotto because tragedy has struck. Life goes on. Now there are applications to institutional Medicaid and fights with Jason's biological father over his portion of doctor bills and nonsense that my heart and head don't have room for.

It's bullshit. All of it. No matter how much I wish it would all go away its part of life and has to be handled because that is just the way it is. You have to inhale the good shit and exhale the bullshit no matter how much you don't want to play this game. That's what this all is. A huge Arena where before you know it you are tagged "IT" and the cosmos watches what you do with the ball. 

I am still going apparently. Long since I thought and said I was breaking and would do so. Jason is still going. Even after moments I thought he was too frail looking to continue. The strength to do this was given by God to us both because I recognize the points in this Odyssey when I did not have it. The   Support given and offered by all of you who read, help, support and just give me space helps. 

Sometimes I just need space and time to sort and filter through the madness and hysteria ANMDARE has made this life. In the end no matter what I tell you there is a whole nother more important story than what I am telling you here. There is only one person who could tell you the true nightmare of what this disease is. The worst part of the story someday I hope will come from Jason.