Father Figure

"I will be the one who loves you-til the end of time..." Father Figure/George Michael

It is the same as before, for those who for some reason pray for different. I am his only biological parent who cares what goes on. I am asked all the time, by people who know Carmelo is his stepfather: "Has his father contacted you? Has he come by?" Like Carmelo is some cheap imitation of what they expect to arrive. I am always perplexed by that question. Do they know something I don't?

Jason's biological father lives in Yonkers. He makes no attempt to show any acknowledgement of the son he abandoned. Jason's uncle, called him to tell him which makes it look worse for him in your eyes I guess? He is fully aware. But Your definition of father and mine are two different things. Jason's sperm donor decided he did not want to be a father when Jason was born. Father is a title he has been given before Jason and after. In both instances he has stepped up where for Jason he stepped away. By some accounts he is still failing in the capacity but as I sip tea here with Kermit the Frog I lament that is none of my business. I am grateful he knew his limitations and let me take the reigns. Truly. Aside from his legal child support obligation he has nothing to offer. He does what he does with the kids he chooses to acknowledge. Everything else is between him and God. I had Jason without him, if God forbid something happened to Jason, he never earned the right to be there. 

What would you like to hear? There is no wild story about why he is the way he is. He just is. He is married with children and could never find it in him to look for a relationship with Jason. Just a few Miles away from his home Jason struggles to come back to life. That is the story. Jason's grandmother came to the hospital and I am honest when the nurses and doctors ask whose mother she is. She isn't mine. She played it off like Carmelo is her son. The shame of reality being too much. Funny one Dominican Aide didn't buy that story.

He asked me in Spanish,"Diga me, esa senora es la madre de quien?"

"I looked at him and said with certainty, "La papa de Jason."

He squinted his eyes at me and smiled. "Y Carmelo es la papa de Jason?"

I nodded affirmative, raising my chin slightly in defiance of his questions.

"Ah no, Una mujer tan chocolate no se puedes tenier un hijo tan blanco y un nieto tan blanco como Jason. Si el abuelo de Jason era blanco como papel y meclo con esa mujer tan chocolate uno de Los dos tienes que salir como cafe. Eso dos son muy blanco. No se, el abuelo de Jason tienes que preguntar la mujer algo."

I laughed hysterically. The sound was foreign to my own ears. But it was genuine.

If I had the time I might wonder how him and his wife sleep at night? Oh, what's that Kermit? You are right, that is none of my business.

Carmelo accidentally showed Jason the photo of a half naked Brazilian model. He tracked that! And he laughed when Carmelo teased him about it. My baby comes back in a mosaic of moments that don't quite fit together yet. Thankfully he has a dad now who loves him enough to care. This time around I am not the only one enjoying all of Jason's firsts. I have an amazing husband who loves this kid like his own and does everything a father should for him.