While I had all these plans to help me continue to douse out the fire that is Jason's recovery there were other things afoot.
Firstly, physically I'm done. Jason in his psychotic stupor beat me up yesterday for preventing him from pulling out his stomach peg. He has no idea what he is doing and my heart and my mind know it. So when he swings at me with full
Force and makes contact the pain is taken and I don't retaliate. I try to get his hands and with this new thinner body I can't match the strength anymore. I'm bruised and sore and wish I could sleeP the entire day. But I can't. I have to go see him, bring him clothes and do his laundry and hope today is a better day.
Last night when I wanted to take an aspirin and nurse my battered body I wAs reminded I had two other kids. Tristan was feverish and wanted his mom. Samantha wanted to color and Carmelo was exhausted from being up The night before with the kids and needed dinner and sleep.
I struggled today to get the kids out the house to drop Sam off to school and get Tristan to the Dr. Tristan has strep and is contagious so it is a matter of time before the outbreak monkey bites Sammi. It may already have as she demanded a goodbye hug and kiss from him this morning.
Carmelo had to work because his job has deadlines and I find myself eating vacation days while still answering emails through my phone for work and getting none of the important things I intended done.
I need to selfishly ask for a prayer for me right now. I need it more than anything.
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