The High Wire Act

We don't know why but the meds are not working how we want. I know why. It's because Jason has a high tolerance for things like his mother. But that sound arrogant even though I am
Not trying to be. The weekend Dr didn't know what to do. He came in dressed in a T-shirt and wanted to talk to me. He was scared. They all are. "He can't keep on like this. We can't control him."

Again I started my campaign about meds. This is not Columbia. On weekends they stock pile what they think they need for 2 days then Pharmacy clocks out at 5pm on Fiday and says goodbye until Monday. We can't redo a treatment plan Saturday Night..I already wrestled with Jason today and dealt with his screaming delusions. I can sit had way across the room and he wants me to get away from him. I can be right in front of him and he asks Siri to call me. This disease is leaving my son like a lion. You have no idea how much I would I would love to shoot the fair one with this disease 1-1. What I have seen it so to my Boy and for what it has done to me and my family I truly wish I could just punch it in he jaw and pull a mortal Combat Finish 'Em movie.

That is wishful thinking and not tangible. I have to find the proverbial equivalent. I'm exhausted. I'm drained. And I  going to sleep for a while to head out to the hospital to start this all over again. Somehow I have to balance work and the fact that I have a home, another two kids and a husband that needs some sort of attention from me at some point in this life. There has to be balance because the scale can only tip to one side for so long.

Yea right...balance (snort)....