Tell Them That It's Human Neysha

The fatigue creeps up. It comes on as a yawn, and then red eyes and when you bypass the usual suspects of symptoms your body plays "closing time" in your head. But even with the Oscar music telling you to hurry up if you push through for days on end like I did your body kicks it up a notch. From March 23rd I had not slept again until March 27. How? I don't know. I managed a complete body shutdown on March 27th and got up to function like normal, go to work and watch Jason all night on the 28th. There is something about this situation. The urgency has caused me to forgo food for days to the point where I am 120lbs down and still dropping. Sometimes after not eating for a long time my body is too sensitive to eat. I need fluid and simple foods my body doesn't need to digest too much. Otherwise my stomach grumbles like "wtf?!" And send everything out projectile style. Now I can forgo sleep. Maybe I will be able to move objects with my mind or something soon. Maybe it's like a Buddhist Chakra or something. Who knows.

Jason is back in rehab. Better. The news is, like a lot of this, fucked up. Because we acted on the wrong information. Now in this case it worked out for the best. This fuck up turned out to be a great thing! But it just haunts me about maybe if I acted and it went wrong??

First, they said he had a relapse. With the blood test saying the disease somehow ambushed us in the last 3 weeks and made some serious advances on him causing him such violent outbursts. We, as in with my permission the medical team, went in like Pablo Escobar. Flooding Jason's veins with IVIG and Chemo over (3) days. Playing offense and looking to nuke any hint of disease.

Turns out the test was wrong.  

Jason's spinal fluid showed the disease is at 20 down from 649 that presented on initial diagnosis. We are winning. And I am glad we went ham on the 20

That are left. They are going to learn today!

Jason's behavior is unfortunately just part of emerging. As his mind clears of inflammation and the disease it will lessen and he will reflect more of his own personality again until he is back.

Now we have to sit and wait. Next week douse him with more chemo and sit and wait again.

Just hurry up and fucking wait.

Now it doesn't seem so bad. Last night I went home to shower and sleep for the first time in almost a week. As I washed my thinner body I felt like a soldier coming home from the reserves. I come home to visit because every few days I am called to war for Jason. Whether it is insurance or doctors or treatment plans, there is always something. I am tired. Exhausted. fatigued. No matter how many calls for being strong and how many compliments about how I do what I do the reality is the same. 

I am human. I need a break.