Angels Walk Among Us

In the movie Constantine, they explained the premise of demons and Angels. As a visual they put the white angelic wings behind the individuals who were meant to be the Angels on earth that God had in place to step in at the right time.

I am tapped out. I am drained. Every bit of energy has been dedicated to Jason and I struggle to energize myself for anything else. There is now paperwork and bills and things to take care of and I have to sit down to absorb, understand and filter.

As if on que, here come the Angels. Although I have never asked for them in my prayers for myself. I am typically too engrossed in asking for a hedge of Angels to surround Jason. But God saw my need and he sent another army for me.

My family. My friends. Old colleagues and school class mates, People I have barely spoken to but have some how touched in word or deed have flapped their white wings and done the extraordinary for me and Jason. Heather Bechtold, Nicole Devito, Coach Lou and Team Mom Dawn, Ruth, JOCELYN, Myrta, Laura Taylor-O-Boyle, Mr Magnuski, Enid Agosto, Denise Pichardo, chelsea Greene, Ricardo Dias, Rebecca Rodriguez, Casey Beale, Kay Oh, Neysha Jimenez, Carmen Borley, Christine Fernandez, Benjamin Cardozo High School, Joey Solano, Carolyn and these are really but a few and I am so sorry I have not named you all! 

 

The gestures you all have done that have eased this crazy life of mine have brought me to tears. I have still not shaken the sin of pride because I am embarrassed by all the gifts for my kids. But I am grateful because this year I wanted to skip Xmas. But you and God would not let me. I don't want you to ever know this pain. This immense darkness that swallows you and stomps your heart out with cleats. At moments it has blinded me to the point of incoherency to the world and everything else in it. But you did not need to know it to come to my aid when Even I didn't know I needed it.

From the tattered remains of my heart I thank you for every single gesture, word and deed done on behalf of myself and more importantly Jason. Every single one of you reading this have my undying gratitude for taking the time just to consider my life and that of my son and learn about it, his odyssey and this disease. Jason got a gorgeous plaque from his old high school and a jersey, and a check to help with his medical bills. Others have been posting this page on social media and offered to bring me food on Thanksgiving night and coming to sit with me at 2AM in the hospital the first time Jason almost died. I can't convey the gravity of what those moments meant. You all flapped your white wings at different stages of my grief and I saw it.

Thank you.

We are not out of the woods entirely. Although I pray everyday that we are able to stay on this road and not stray away, but I believe now. I believe with all my heart that there is something larger than myself that is taking care of us and will see things through. I believe Jason will come through and be stronger for it. I believe if I continue to hold on, one day the full message of this will be revealed to me and I will see that this had to be the way. 

Until then I remain ready to tackle what is to come. And I am grateful for the rest and mercy I have been most recently showed. I needed the rest because I know I could not make it much longer.

I thank every single one of you for taking this time to carry me.