The Thing Is

While the news is phenomenal that Jason got into where we wanted him no one offers that reassurance yet. All is not clear. It becomes a point where you start to notice all their tells when they talk to you. Dr Hoenig looks down and shrugs when he speaks of the future. His tone becomes more cautious and deliberate. His smile not as easy. He smiles all the time so you notice when he holds it back.  The nurse practitioner looks away and pretends she sees someone. Then after future talk is over and she is speaking in the present tense she is able to look at you and smile. No one looks you in the eye and assures you he will be perfectly okay. No one acts like Rhonda. She was the only one that when Jason was at his absolute worse looked me right in the eye and gave me assurances. She might not have even been certain but she acted like she was. I couldn't catch her tell, I didn't see her flinch. With the news of rehab they still look down and talk to me about the future. The tone is still cautious like they see something ahead they are afraid to tell me about. They make me afraid to get happy because the let down is like a fall from a cliff with jagged rock at the bottom waiting for me. I am afraid. I want Rhonda.