What is the appropriate answer? Everyday Prognosis goes like a fucking yo-yo and my emotions go with it. We were ok. We were almost next phase. We were...
Almost doesn't count.
Last Friday, when I was the only one who lifted Jason off the end so he could vomit he still aspirated on some. Some food went into his lung and started a new pneumonia. My Immunity suppressed son is on antibiotics for E Coli and a urinary tract infection.
His dinuded skin has graduated to a Stage 2 Pressure Ulcer.
I have all these people calling me to "check up" telling me to "have faith". Like something I am presently doing is showing signs that I am not. People with perfectly healthy kids who I hope and pray on everything holy never know one night of the nightmare I live advising me. "I know it's easy for me to say"...
No you have no idea, and for that you are truly blessed.
Please don't call. Please don't text. I promise you that you don't know how I feel. You could not imagine hard enough and nothing told to me other than the fucking cure for this shit is anything I want to hear. I want to crawl up and hopefully die where I am without hearing someone try to "talk me" into feeling better.
My son's suffering is not over. God I just beg you for a break. A pass, a clear sky to allow my son the healing he needs to get to a point where if he had complications nothing would endanger his life.
I believe. Everything I do these days show that I believe! I don't understand and I don't even question. I beg and I plead and I praise and my son is still getting worse...
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to fucking do.
Sweetheart...you don't know me and I don't know you. But I am praying for you and your family like you wouldn't believe. As one who's been in a situation like your son (brain aneurysm and surgery, with quite a while in ICU and the step down), I'm going to tell you what someone told me. BREATHE. You will make yourself sick trying to fight against those who simply want to be there for you, but don't know how. You say you don't know what to do...YES YOU DO. You continue to be there for Jason, and be his eyes and ears until he can be there for himself. You continue to pray for him, your family and those on his team of healers. You start taking care of yourself in little ways. And from someone who's been there? He knows you are there. And that helps him be strong. Hugs to you, and continue keeping the faith.
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