God Please!!

I am trying to function like a human being. I am trying to keep medical coverage and an income to keep my son on an upward path to rehabilitation. I am trying to make all these decisions and moves to ensure he is going to succeed in getting better.

I am fucking trying!!! I don't sleep, I don't eat! I am sick and can't breathe.

I have an aide helping him to cover shifts to watch him because at this point I am so weak and I can't keep going like this.  Physically, mentally and emotionally. His grandmothers also help taking turns but it takes (2) people now to subdue him and his movements. He tried to climb out of bed. He tried to climb out of the Damn bed and went for his throat instead pulling out his tracheostomy. You know who Rapid Response is? Those are the people who come to try and make sure you don't die. You know they have come twice for Jason so far right? Twice they stopped him from dying. Do you know what that is? As his mother do you know what that does to me?!?! Mentally!? Physically!?! Emotionally?!?!

Somebody takes a knife every day and disembowels me from my gut to my throat. No mercy killing. It's slow. Every single day.

I pray all day, every single day. God please! Give me strength! Give me

Help! Protect Jason! Make him

Better! I am not strong anymore. I'm not. You think so. But I know. I am weak.