They Don't Know WHo I Be

I don't eat much anymore so the acid always burns the back of my throat. I battle the acid and a knot in the back of my throat most days. It's become the Yin and Yang of my existence. It gets worse when I feel bad. But today I am angry. I get angry now at the visiting questions. Because I am done being nice about saying NO.

When Jason was coherent he asked me not to let anyone see him in bed stuttering. Now that he is much worse than that I will not go against his wishes again. 

If it were you, and for some of you who constantly ask me you have been, in this situation: how would you feel knowing you were paraded around at your worst like a circus freak show? He is going to Rehab for REHABILITATION- how much of that includes social

Visits? The curious wanting an eye witness account of how bad you are exactly doing so they ask constantly. Even those who "care" so much can't seem to "care enough" to respect what he wanted and what I am enforcing. Meanwhile in many of their own cases when they were near death themselves, dealing with the death of a loved one or battling a horrific debilitating illness or car accident they retreat into the same shell I am in. Not wanting too much company, not allowing too many eyes to see. Dealing with the horror of my life everyday while

Allowing anyone who genuinely cares or just wants to be nosey a glimpse via this blog. How dare you? How dare you try to badger me at my lowest point into allowing you to see Jason because "you feel badly" "you are upset over this"  or you "want to see him"

Who are you? I mean really: who are YOU? At 2am when I am at his bedside crying and alone where are all you visitors??? I am supposed to go against what Jason would want so YOU could feel better? When he finally wakes up and is coherent, how many people do you think it will take to mess with his head over seeing him at his worst?

When Jason is ready for Visitors I will

Let you know. Those who persistently ask, text, leave messages on FB asking and call me right now in this moment of my life where my son is touch and go to selfishly request to see him to make themselves feel better will be unfriended, deleted and BLOCKED.

This is not about YOU. This is about Jason. His protection, his psyche, his well being is my utmost concern. When he is speaking, coherent and asking for visitors I will announce it every where and allow the flood gates to open. Until then my answer is a LOUD AND RESIGNATING NO.

If you think I am kidding. Ask me again.