Every Breath You Take

Every breath you take and every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you
Every single day and every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay, I'll be watching you....- The Police

I would have started cooking Saturday. Yep, that many days from the main event. There are desserts to prep, meats to season, special recipes to try and recreate and all of that takes time.

Jason would say,"you're crazy."

Carmelo will roll his eyes and second the statement.

Samantha and Tristan would drive me crazy and interrupt me a million times over until I finally concede to taking 10 of the probably 50 different things I want to make off the menu.

Thanksgiving had become more of a main event than a day of thanks. Even I would have to admit while I would definitely make sure we said Grace. Grace was not the biggest part of the day. I am always grateful, always. I never go a day without thanking God for what I have because I can still remember the times as a child that I did without. I can still taste dirt poor, hungry and unfortunate like dishes forced on your plate by a school lunch aide. I never liked them. I never like living that way, but sometimes when you are a child that is what is served so you don't have a choice.

I gave my kids better. In fact maybe too much. Jason has always known what eating good is, even if as he has aged his definition equates eating good by constant takeout. The kids have things they hate eating and choices in things to eat. While when I was a kid the choices were what was served or sleep for dinner.

On a day like today I always give thanks for my kids, my life as I currently have it and the food. The glorious food I am allowed to dress up and manipulate however I want.

Today I don't want to wallow in what I don't have anymore. I don't want to ask God for anything because I ask every single day. Today I want to say Thank you to the powers above that have kept my son alive. Have given me the will. Have bestowed upon my family the gifts of help. Just thank you for everything. I hope that everything is paused so no new developments arrive and Jason remains safe. I hope that while everyone enjoys the wonderful meals splayed out before them they also take a moment to be thankful for the things we take for granted like or health and our family. We could have been born in war torn Syria and in fact we are here. Free and in a modern country where my son was diagnosed in 5 days with a rare disease. 

Jason is enjoying his Thanksgiving meal early Gevity 1.5 in a tube directly into his belly. He is on the trach-collar, which means he breathes on his own. Humidified oxygen gets blown his way from a tube but every breath he takes is his own. This is good news. One complication under control and a few others still to deal.

I miss my babies. All of them. I miss my husband. I miss my bed.

Right now this minute I will say that while I wish my life was very different than what I am going through currently, there are plans bigger than my own at work. I actually joked recently that I must be some serious entertainment value for the powers that be. God gives his fiercest battles to his strongest warriors, right? At least that is what they tell me.

From our family to yours: Happy Thanksgiving 

......Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace

I dream at night, I can only see your face
I look around but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying, "Baby, baby, please"

Oh, can't you see you belong to me

How my poor heart aches with every step you take .... The Police/every Breath you take