The Reasons

At this point, I started to break. You FUCKING ASSHOLE. WHY DIDNT YOU GET HIM THE MENINGITIS VACCINE!!!
Wait - I did.
Maybe you didn't get it FAST ENOUGH! Maybe its still not in his system.
Every missed Dr's appt. Every football injury. Every mush I ever gave him in the head came to mind and I felt so guilty. Guilty that I somehow was the reason why he had this.
"The good news is. If I am right - there is treatment. He gets 5 days of antiviral medication and steroids via IV and he will be fine."
I should have been relieved but I wasn't. That statement, "Infection in the brain" freaked me out. With all his hair, skin and skull bone- how the fuck did he get an infection in the brain???
I was falling into my own pity party. Wanting to ball up and cry for a diagnosis that was not confirmed.
We waited in admitting, he played on his phone.
Texting, watching short videos and even laughing.
Upstairs I met Dr. Klien. A very nerdy resident - who was asking my permission more than he was performing procedures. Little did I know he would be one of the best doctors Jason would have. He got us an MRI and I assisted him in Jason's lumbar puncture. Watching him stab my son in the back with a needle that should not exist. I held Jason towards me and watched getting nauseated by the actions. I kept telling myself it was necessary. I really wanted to stab the Dr with the Dayum needle. When he put the huge tube with a spout on his back and it filled with water - I could taste the bile.
"His fluid is clear, that is a good sign."
I couldn't answer back - I nodded. The resident helping him looked green too, under his dark brown skin. When all was said and done, Jason texted some more and settled into bed. I sat in my chair and watched him. They hooked him up to a heart monitor, a pressure cuff, a temperature probe and a breathing monitor. I watched all the little lines wave and beep until he fell asleep. We did not have an answer, but the Dr had a plan and I believed him.
That was the last time I remember going to sleep.