Beyond The See

In times when we as humans lose control we always look to God and things that are bigger than ourselves. We have to. To believe that this tangible life is all there is especially in time of crisis is cause for us to Go Mad. In times of crisis we need our sanity, circumstances can chip away at it, the more you have the better.

I was upset with God for a long time. My cousin Zahira who had a hard life died and I could not understand why God let that happen. It took days before I approached him with Jasons situation because my anger towards him has been 15 years strong. I never liked church because I hate the hypocrisy. I don't think  there is a religion that really teaches what Jesus did when he was here. Jesus walked around w/ people who would be deemed "unsavory" and saw the promise in them. Never judging, never condemning, and yet our imperfect selves always seek to exclude people. Calling someone out for their sexuality, religious denomination, or beliefs. 

There has to be something beyond the "see" because there is no way we are just here alone. Left to our own devices. I

I am not committed to any one religion, but I do believe in God. I don't know what he has in store but I am learning to trust him. I am learning to try to let go. It's a process that does not always go as planned, but my willingness to try is some cause for celebration.

I am here again, in my big uncomfortable chair, playing bootleg MD. Requesting the necessity for fluids because his blood pressure is too low. 

I am tired. I have a long way to go before we are at goal. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this, but I am going to keep trying. 

All I can do is try.