Almost Human

I have been here so long i almost forgot what it is like. To live like a human being that is. To not constantly be running the gamut of information, anxiety, stress. I got my friend Myriam to take a shift for me and stay with Jason during the day so I could go home. Nothing to do in particular just be at home with my feet up on my couch. Watch my kids tell me they love me and bicker over who can use the color yellow. To sit around with Carmelo with no errands to run, calls to make, people to ask me questions. I cleaned out my purse today and realized for the last week or so I have been walking around with Jason's tooth in a plastic jar. Why? I don't know. It was just there. I forgot. And living in the hospital does that to you. For a little bit I was able to pretend that life is not as harsh as it is. For a few minutes I felt better because someone I trained to look for things like me was sitting with Jason and was making sure he was ok. Sure there are nurses in the hospital and they are excellent. But Jason's condition requires that extra. Because when I have not been here that is when things happen. The person to realize he is rubbing his stomach and snagging his stomach peg. Someone to see that he is clenching his teeth and is pro-active in popping in his mouth guard. Someone who sees the map of his blood pressure is low and eyeballs the resident assigned so that they give the appropriate Bolus. Without someone these things go amiss and he clenches his teeth to the point that he breaks a tooth and winds up with pneumonia. It's not that anyone isn't doing their job, although I was upset and did think this was the case. But this is why he needs special attention. That is what a private nurse could do for me. but I can't afford one right now. This is what I would settle for. I would settle for a weekly "pretend" where I can be with my family and I know my son Is ok..

Jason still has a blood clot to worry about, pneumonia is not gone but under control. He bit his tongue yesterday and kept it clamped between his teeth until he bled and I made a desperate attempt to open his jaws

With a tongue depressor that worked.  Never a dull moment with this "new" Jason. I can't wait to have my old Jason back.