Jason's Pneumonia happened because he aspirated on blood. He aspirated on blood that caused a pneumonia because no one addressed his teeth grinding. His teeth grinding was on a "TO-DO-List" the Resident had not gotten to yet.
Jason broke 2 teeth and they thought part of his jaw. They wanted to remove part of his mandible.
Do you know what that is like? Every day dealing with anxiety. Making decisions that can result in life or death of someone you love and not knowing if they are the right ones? As his mother I could never live with myself if I made the wrong decision. The guilt would be too much.
I am terrified. I rock back and forth. I pace. My hands shake and I have realized I bring them to my lips a lot because in my mind I am prepared to bite down on them if they don't stop.
I went home for 2 hrs and came back. The calm left when I walked out the door of the hospital. Carmelo almost had to force me into the car. I was restless. I couldn't sleep. I kissed the little kids and took a cab back and at 6AM was here before shift change.
The brief break gave me part of myself back. The more rest I get the more of a quick-witted bitch I become. I wanted answers. One by one as the administration came to offer condolences for Jason now being in such serious condition I demanded a meeting and answers.
My meeting was being scheduled. Jason was still stable. No more storming. The color was back in his face, the circles around his eyes disappearing. He was heavily sedated and sleeping for a day.
You go numb after a while. When you first get here this place is surreal. The nurses walk at a leisurely stroll to get meds for someone bleeding profusely. They have seen it so often, there is no need to rush. YOU - YOU as a lay person want to flip and jump and run to help - but they are the authority and even the doctors take a minute to talk about their weekends before entering a prescription in a computer for administering to a patient.
I have lived here at the hospital for a full 2 weeks before my real life intervened. I have seen it and it is starting to happen to me. It's like the lack of emotion and empathy grows on you like moss. No matter what you do, it grows there. You become desensitized. Of course I am hyper sensitive to Jason and his predicament but he had four neighbors and I saw one under go distress just like him, we called him T-Rex and the nurses were not concerned. They gave him meds and it stopped. After a while when he performed the same T-REX behavior I was no longer on edge. I didn't even call the nurse. He will be ok.
I get it. I get the - nonchalance. The no need for urgency - que sera, sera.
But at this point I can't stand for it.
I walked in Friday to Jason's throat 3 times the size it normally is. His hands look like mits.
"What happened?!?!" I asked the nurse, who didn't seem concerned.
"what?" she asked cooly - unnerved by my tone.
"His neck is like three times its normal size!"
"What? No it isn't. It just looks awkward because of how he is positioned."
Said the woman who met him today to the woman who gave birth to him.
"Um, NO. I gave birth to him. I raised him. I think I know how big my son's neck normally is."
She did not look up at me. She just adjusted him while trying to remain unmoved by my concern.
"Well, he has been immobile a few days. And he is on a lot of fluids. He has some retention."
Her answer was to shut me up. I didn't believe her. I didn't have that sense of calm Rhonda gave me.
"Can you ask the doctor to see me."
"Sure." She said curtly. She said it in the same tone I use when I want to say bitch.
The Dr came. A handsome Indian man who was impeccably groomed with a kind face. He came by and told me they had just "rounded" on Jason and had not noticed anything amiss. Then he touched his neck and his expression changed. He motioned to the resident who had been following Jason since before the aspiration incident and had her touch his extended neck too. It pops like bubble wrap to the touch.
"Good catch mom." He began, "It appears the air that we told you about has migrated to his neck."
Oh yea - forgot to mention that. Jason developed other complications since being here.
Nothing major.
Back to your scheduled program. -
"WHAT?"
I was annoyed. He knew that and spoke quickly.
"Not to worry, this is not dangerous. This is a good thing. The air migrates and then it is reabsorbed. Good catch." He tried to sound reassuring. Then to the resident, "We can give him some Lasik and scale back some fluids."
My LAYMAN ASS caught this - when the people in charge of his care missed how swollen he had become.
And you WONDER why I have trust issues.
No comments:
Post a Comment