I told him to relax. I rationalized to him that he was upset. That was why moments ago he was able to control his voice and now he was unable to. He seemed to relax - I went to go make him dinner. The babies were running around, happy to see him and wanting to spend time with him. He was kind how he always was to them, but not as playful. He wanted to lay in bed which I rationalized was because he was tired because neurology woke him up every 2 hours. I let him. He slept the entire night. I woke up every few hours to check him. Making sure he was breathing, making sure if I shook him he moved. At 5AM I started getting the little ones ready. "Papi, I have to take the kids to school and daycare. Do you want to come with me? Or are you okay here by yourself?"
He nuzzled his head closer into his pillow and in a normal voice said, "I am fine."
Once again I felt at ease. He is just stressed. What the FUCK he has to be stressed about I don't know. But this generation of paper children are not made of the same stuff us old folks are made of. After dropping off the kids - I figured I would go into work. I could make some phone calls and find a specialist and leave early. On my way to the train station Jason called," Mom, can you come h-home?"
The stutter was still there but not so strong.
"Papi, what's wrong?"
"I feel strange."
I was cold again. My fingers felt numb. I was 20 minutes from him but I panicked like if he was upstate again. I ran to the car and ran home.
He told me he was hallucinating. He had seen his friends from college in his bedroom.
He saw the baby lick an outlet.
I looked at him when he told me this with tears in his eyes. I hugged him and promised him it would be ok. Whatever was going on we were going to fix.
"Jason, I know you said no - but I have to ask you one more time-"
"NO! I DIDNT USE DRUGS OKAY!?!"
He yelled crystal clear.
I never asked again.
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