5 DAYS Until The End

Every day he got worse and more and more people flew in. Whoever was scattered to the four winds showed up and came to stay at the hospital with me by the weekend. All of them suggesting how I should leave, and how I needed to take care of myself. I refused. Fuck everybody and their stupid ass opinions. I leave when he leaves - not before. When I did he panicked and that might be how he got worse. They fitted Jason with an EEG this disgusting smelling machine with probes that are applied with acrylic to your skull - hard and tight. He hated it. Moments when he was clear he wanted it off, but mostly he slept. I waited all day to get a minute with him when he would go from completely incoherent to understanding me. Once it happened when I was cleaning his face and threatened to shave his little scraggly beard. Another time when I was sitting in the chair and his eyes locked with mine. I wait 24 hrs a day - just to have a minute with him. The closest way to help you understand is like the characters in the NOTEBOOK. He would be completely not knowing or understanding the all of a sudden there was clarity. But then it left just as quickly as it came. Unfortunately, Jason's condition goes past not just knowing me - which is one of the most painful things I have ever lived. He had roid rage and screamed to no one in particular , "WHO AM I?" The look in his eye was wild. He swung and hit me as I tried to keep him from getting up from the bed. He was unsteady and looked very strange. His stare was almost empty. I cried. I cried hard. I cried for my son who has no clue what is going on. No control over his body or his thoughts or his movements. The doctor's did not know why and he was allegedly getting the only treatment for a viral infection in the brain, which tests showed he had. I can't write anymore... This is too painful now.