Sometimes it is an exercise trying to find the words for the indescribable. The best way to do it is to not try to be profound or astute - but to be real. If that means spelling mistakes, and grammatical errors - forgive me my Grammar Nazi's but it will happen. Two nights ago when we got moved to Step down the elderly white woman across from Jason was visited by a young and pretty black girl who sat there and watched all night. Assisting with anything she needed and happily running to get anything asked of her.
The next day when another older looking black woman showed up. In my head, I imagined Jason's bunk mate must have mixed children, or maybe foster kids? I did not think too much of it, because as blended families go I think it is wonderful that when grandma is in the hospital so many feel so inclined to help. That's what sleep deprivation does to me. It makes me a little naive. In my head I put together their family dinners, and imagining grandma in the bed with corn rows or maybe even her doing corn rows on her sweet looking grand kids.
Then the new older woman began complaining about her agency. And the world came into a little more focus. There are private nursing services - I looked into one and at $700 a shift I started a GofundMe to try to afford. Amongst all the chaos and nonsense I completely forgot about it. Forgot about everything because Day In and Day Out I think of Jason. I am present in the minute and when it fades away I am in the next moment not looking back.
After discussion I got the number, and the aide who gave it suggested I could ask for her in particular to watch Jason for me. I watched her sleep for 4 of 12 hrs of her shift and complain about her agency on her cellphone for most of the morning. That's Ok...I think I will keep looking.
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